Should Christians plan to marry young?
by Bill Blair on 14/08/09 at 11:09 pm
Update: I had chance to listen to the episode of the Albert Mohler Radio Program that discussed this topic. There was some good thoughts and discussion that dovetails with my thoughts below. You can listen to the program here (also on itunes). Go listen to the episode for some more thought on this topic.
William Guice posted this topic over on his blog, and it is one I have been thinking about a lot lately. Having a 12 year old daughter will make you start thinking about such things, but I digress. Part of his thought on this topic was triggered by an article in Christianity Today that can be read here. Dr. Mohler, who has spoken and written on this topic in the past, offers his commentary on the article and idea here. Give them a look, it is worth your time.
What do you think about his topic? Should we teach our kids to plan for an early marriage, or should we continue to say “you are too young to get married”? What about some of these long engagements people have where they get engaged and plan to marry in 2 years or something? One of my professors described counseling those with long engagements, and his first question is always “how is the fornication going?” knowing that the fornication (avoiding it) is likely not going well.
I have a lot of thoughts on this subject, but I will set them aside for now. I do want to say, however, that if this is going to change it must begin with a change of parenting focus from the early years on. Let’s face it, the majority of parents (at least in western society) raise their kids to be moneymakers. Parents seem to dream about their kids becoming wealthy and push them toward this goal, but it seems that few long to see their children become great husbands and wives. It is not that they don’t want them to be good spouses, but the clear priority is on careers and wealth. Is it any wonder that people are marrying later when the number one priority is getting through college and getting on the right career track? The numbers follow this logic: People finish college at 22, but they “aren’t ready” for marriage quite yet because they have not established their career yet so they focus on that for another 4 years and then decide it is time to start looking, but that process takes time and people end up marrying when they are 30.
I really think this phenomenon is one that is illustrative how Christian parenting looks too much like that of the world. More on that later. So what are your thoughts?
Nation
Aug 15th, 2009
Here is a thought for you to roll around in your head a little while:
What if the actions of the parents you are at least questioning, if not bashing, is not focused on the money making side, but the helping people side.
Assuming no fraud, force, or illegal activity is involved – when someone makes money they have provided help, or value, to someone else.
With that, re-read what you wrote and think – these parents are encouraging people to provide as much help or value as they can & become financially strong. Yes, only one aspect might be known, acknowledged, or thought of by the parents (the financial strong, as opposed to providing as much value as you can), and yes, the determining factor of “amount of value” is based on what society values as opposed to a standard of “what God desires”, but that does not – and this is not directed at you individually as much as a common theme among a set of Christians – mean that 100% of the value systems are incomparable.
I am not really answering the questions you pose; my childless view is still the idea that “training up a child in the way he should go” has more to do with the makeup, or individual aspects of the child, than the world views of the parent.
Bill Blair
Aug 15th, 2009
You hit on a lot of topics there. Thanks for the pushback, makes the learning process more “fruitful” for all of us
Clearly there is nothing inherently wrong with making money, and for sure, people can be helped when people have resources and/or systems/enterprises that produce and help others acquire resources. With that there is no question, but the overwhelming focus is not on acquiring resources to help others, but in acquiring resources to not just help but indulge themselves. Whereas you (cause I know you) can frame your pursuit of the development of businesses in God-honoring ways, I just don’t think that is the case for most people.
What we have is a focus on self-indulgence over godliness and that plays its way into needing money to acquire more things versus focusing on godliness that leads to neighbor love which includes being a good friend, spouse, parent, boss, etc.., and might also lead to acquiring money to help others as well. It is a heart level difference, but our society promotes the former, our fallen nature encourages it, and parents and children get caught in its snare. Not all of them, but too many so it is very alarming to me. I have some stats on that that I will post in the future.
MitchTheFielder
Aug 18th, 2009
Interesting that this post has been making it around.
I just got finished reading “Sex and the Supremacy of Christ” and I find this interesting after reading that book. Especially after reading what Martin Luther thought of marriage.
I really think it boils down to the selfishness in American culture. Get ahead, and a failure to launch. It is also the devaluation of marriage in our culture, which I think will damage our culture.
A lot of VERY successful people married young and are still married in their 80’s (i.e. Truett and Janett Cathy)