Be The Fruit

God’s Design for Sexual Fulfillment: Part 4

by Bill Blair on 25/09/08 at 5:55 am

Last week I began to explain that God intended for our sexuality to be enjoyed, but within the confines of a one-flesh relationship. This week I want to begin to differentiate between a one-flesh union which would be a sexual union alone and the one-flesh relationship that encompasses much more.

One-Flesh Union

As stated last week, the one-flesh relationship that is described by Jesus in Matthew 19 certainly includes the sexual union between a man and a woman, because the command to “Be fruitful and multiply” (Gen 1:28) shows that God intended for Adam and Eve to be united sexually after both were created. But what exactly is this notion of becoming one-flesh really about?

One interpretation of the one-flesh union is that it is a sign that signifies the marriage covenant. Michael Lawrence explains: “Now if marriage is a covenant, then that covenant must have a sign, something that makes visible the invisible reality of this one-flesh union.”(1) If the sexual union provides a sign for the marriage covenant it would appear that there is a spiritual aspect to physical union, which would concur with Jesus’ explanation that God joins people together (Matt 19:6). Joshua Harris concurs: “We have to understand that in God’s sight, when a man and woman marry and join their bodies together sexually, something spiritual occurs—they really do become ‘one.’”(2)

If the physical sexual union marks the sign for marriage and somehow joins a man and woman together spiritually in marriage, then we must consider the nature of the physical union when sex occurs outside of marriage. The apostle Paul addresses this issue in First Corinthians. Paul wrote:

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” (1 Cor 6:15-16)

This passage indicates that some type of one-flesh union occurs even in the case of having sex with a prostitute. If a one-flesh union is established due to having sex with a prostitute, then a one-flesh must also be established during any other type of sex as well. It is important to note, however, that Paul does not state that the above described one-flesh union results in marriage in any form or fashion. Paul simply explains that the two are somehow wrongfully joined together. I have heard this joining described as an “alien union” before. Given this fact, it is clear that all sex results in a one-flesh union, but not all one-flesh unions result in the one-flesh relationship of marriage.

One-Flesh Relationship

Daniel Akin states, “The ‘one-flesh’ relationship (Gen 2:24) is the most intense, physical intimacy and the deepest, spiritual unity possible between a husband and wife.”(3) The key difference between a one-flesh union and a one-flesh relationship is that the relationship adds the key aspect of commitment. The one-flesh relationship includes the one-flesh union, but includes much more. “The oneness God is speaking of seems to be a total sharing of one another.”(4) In this context, one should refer to the earlier post here that explains how sexual intimacy should not be the primary basis for a marriage. Whereas the one-flesh union is simply sexual intimacy, the one-flesh relationship represents a total committed marriage relationship.

The one-flesh relationship of marriage allows a couple to pursue becoming “naked and unashamed” (Gen 2:25) as it was in the beginning. Jay Adams explains that being “naked and unashamed” has deeper meaning than just whether they felt the need to be clothed or not. Adams explains:

“When Genesis tells us that Adam and Eve were naked and ‘unashamed,’ the issue was not shame over sexual organs. Rather they were so united that they had nothing to hide; their relationship was one of utter frankness. They were entirely open to one another.” (5)

Greater openness leads to greater intimacy and a closer and a more fulfilled one-flesh relationship. As a marriage relationship approaches the ideal of becoming naked and unashamed with each partner should be able to delight themselves in the entirety of the other person. This increased delight in one another should lead to more satisfying sexual fulfillment, for if it is true that most sexual problems stem from other issues in the marriage relationship, it must be true sexual satisfaction must increase as the relationship builds. Furthermore, C. J. Mahaney explains that the incredible sexual intimacy described in The Song of Solomon is achieved “because they love one another so completely, not the other way around.”(6) Essentially, couples have great sexual fulfillment because of the love they have for one another; therefore, developing the one-flesh marriage relationship should increase the love the couple has for one another, which will increase the sexual fulfillment they enjoy.

Next week I hope to bring all of these ideas together and conclude this series.

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(1) Michael Lawrence, “A Theology of Sex,” in Sex and the Supremacy of Christ (Wheaton: Crossway, 2005), 137.
(2) Joshua Harris, Sex is Not the Problem (Lust Is), 105.
(3) Daniel L. Akin, “Sermon: The Beauty and Blessings of the Christian Bedroom.”
(4) Stuart Scott, The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective, 68.
(5) Jay E. Adams, Solving Marriage Problems: Biblical Solution for Christian Counselors, 31.
(6) C. J. Mahaney, “Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God: What Every Christian Husband Needs to Know,” in Sex and the Supremacy of Christ (Wheaton: Crossway, 2005), 179.