Be The Fruit

God’s Design for Sexual Fulfillment: Part 2

by Bill Blair on 11/09/08 at 5:23 am

Last week, I began to explain how ”true sexual fulfillment cannot be achieved through illicit sex, but only through cultivating a whole “one-flesh” relationship that develops all aspects of intimacy between a man and woman that can only be achieved within marriage where they can pursue becoming “naked and unashamed” as it was in the beginning (Gen 2:25).”  See the post here.  I will the connection between the whole one-flesh relationship and sexual fulfillment later because I think it is important to first look at some basic principles as to how God intended for sex to be practiced.

Sex is for Married Heterosexuals

God’s design for sexuality is that sex be confined to a man and a woman within the bonds of marriage. There is no teaching in Scripture that could lead one to the notion that God’s design for sexual intimacy could include anything other than a heterosexual union. David Clyde Jones explains it this way: “It is understood that only a heterosexual couple constitutes a pair-bond in the biblical sense; Jesus explicitly includes Genesis 1:27, ‘God made them male and female,’ as part and parcel of the creation ordinance governing marriage (Matt 19:4 = Mark 10:6)” (1). Jesus affirmed the creation account that marriage involves a man and woman becoming one-flesh; therefore, sexual intimacy must be limited to that relationship.

Sex Can Be Holy

“Sexual intimacy in marriage was instituted by God; therefore it can be pure and holy and should be enjoyed” (2). As stated earlier, God is the author, creator, and originator of sexual intimacy. In the beginning, God created both male and female and commanded them to “Be fruitful and multiply” (Gen 1:27-28). The creation of sexual intimacy occurred prior to the fall of man; therefore, it is clear that the original intent for sexual intimacy was for it to be pure and holy. Even after the fall, Scripture explains that sexual intimacy can still be pure within the confines of marriage. Hebrews 13:4 states: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” This passage explains that it is adultery and fornication that defile sexual intimacy (3). It can be concluded, therefore, that sexual intimacy can maintain its original purity and holiness if and only if adultery and fornication can be removed entirely from the marriage relationship.

We must be careful, however, to not limit sexual purity and holiness to physical acts alone. Jesus explained that if a man looks at another woman with lustful intent that he has committed adultery with her in his heart (Matt 5:28). “Lust is craving sexually what God has forbidden” (4). If craving what God has forbidden can cause a man to commit adultery in his heart, as Jesus stated, then having lustful thoughts can cause a defilement of pure sexual intimacy; therefore, we must take care to guard our hearts and minds so that we do not engage in lustful thoughts that can fracture and defile the pure sexual intimacy that God intends us to enjoy.

Sexual Intimacy is not Primary

Sexual fulfillment should not be the sole basis of marriage. Sexual intimacy is an important part of married life, but it is but one of many important factors. “The Bible places sex and sexual activity within the larger context of holiness and faithfulness” (5). The primary reason given for the creation of woman in the Bible was that it was not good for man to be alone (Gen 2:18); therefore, the primary reason for marriage is for companionship. Sexual intimacy is an important part of the marriage relationship, but it is secondary in nature. This secondary nature can be understood by knowing the fact that many sexual problems in marriage stem from other relationship problems and are not directly connected with sex itself (6).

Although sexual intimacy should not be the basis of a marriage relationship, it is important for three primary reasons. First, sex fulfills oneness in marriage by consummating the physical aspect of the “one-flesh” union (Gen 2:24). Second, sex is important to fulfill the desires of the one’s spouse, so that he or she will not be vulnerable to temptation (1 Cor 7:3-5). Finally, sex is important in marriage “to partake of the wonderful blessing of children (Gen 1:28)” (7).

Next week I will continue with these principles as well as begin to get into the discussion about what a whole one-flesh relationship looks like.

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(1) David Clyde Jones, Biblical Christian Ethics, (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1994) 158.
(2) Stuart Scott, The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective, (Bemidji: Focus Publishing, 2002) 145.
(3) Ibid., 145.
(4) Joshua Harris, Sex is Not the Problem (Lust is), 20.
(5) R. Albert Mohler, “The Bible on Sex—The Way to Happiness and Holiness,” www.AlbertMohler.com, 25 March 2004, [on-line], accessed 14 February 2008; available from http://www.albertmohler.com/commentary_print.php?cdate=2004-03-25.
(6) Jay E. Adams, Solving Marriage Problems: Biblical Solution for Christian Counselors, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1983), 95.
(7) Stuart Scott, The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective, 147.