Be The Fruit

Book Review: Sex is not the Problem (Lust is)

by Bill Blair on 20/08/08 at 7:01 am

The main purpose of Sex is Not the Problem (Lust Is) is to differentiate between sex and lust to show how lust corrupts God’s design for sex. This book defines lust as “craving sexually what God has forbidden (20).” Essentially, this book shows that God designed humans as sexual beings that are to enjoy sex. Sometimes people think that God is against their enjoyment of sex, but really God is against the lust that corrupts his design for sex which robs us of the true enjoyment God intended. One key principle that this book conveys is that to truly conquer lust we must understand that God is against lust “not because He is opposed to pleasure, but because He is committed to it (29).” In order to conquer lust, we must embrace God-created sexuality and bring it under His rule (43). This books shows that we cannot conquer lust unless we turn it over to God and rely on his grace and forgiveness.

This book also provides a distinction of how lust manifests itself differently in men and women. Men often fantasize about the actual act of sex with a woman while women fantasize about sex with a man as part of a glorified romantic relationship. Also, women often are tempted to become the object of a man’s lust by dressing or acting provocatively (86-87). The key principle is to know that both men and women struggle with lust, and understanding how each gender lusts differently allows each to combat their problems more precisely.

This book also takes on the issue of masturbation, describing it as “self-centered sex.” The key principle is that masturbation is “solely about you and your pleasure (103).” This self-centered pleasure distorts God’s intent for sexual pleasure between a husband and wife.

Finally, this book provides some practical steps for combating the problem of lust. The key principle is to take into account all things that can lead you astray as well as having mechanisms to help keep you on a righteous path. We must avoid movies, television, and things on the internet that we know may cause us to stumble. We should know what situations or scenarios that tends to trigger our lust. We must also maintain openness and accountability with people that will help us maintain righteousness. We should also spend time in prayer and reading and memorizing the Bible to help replace the bad with the good in our minds.

Critique 

There was nothing in this book that I totally disagreed with, but I would have liked to see Harris expand on how to avoid the “diet mentality” that he described on page twenty-five. On page forty-seven Harris writes that the practical steps that he provides to combat lust can turn into a checklist that ends up worthless. Harris provided the warning, but I do not think he ever fully described how to achieve it. The steps provided were all good, but there needed to be some discussion as to how those steps work together to make up a lifestyle that is devoted to God and free from lust. The problem is that a person can do each step well on its own, but never have it transfer to other parts of their life. A person may have great quiet time in the morning, but do evil in the afternoon because it was out of the “spiritual” segment of their life. Once again, there is nothing wrong with the suggestions, but it would have been more helpful to focus on how those suggestions translate into all areas of a person’s life.

Conclusion

Sex is not the Problem (Lust is), is a book that I recommend.  Harris does a good job of explaining exactly what lust is in relation to what God created sex to be.  The real beauty of the book is that he places the solution to the problem of lust in the gospel.  He rightly conveys that lust is a sin, but there is a solution and it can be found in the Cross.  One of the things that gets missed about the Cross is that Jesus not only paid the penalty so that we can be forgiven, but he also broke the bondage of sin in our lives.  As believers, we can move forward, grow, and overcome problems with lust because of what Jesus did on the cross.  Without the cross, we are enslaved to our sins and we only have our willpower to overcome them, and we all know that our willpower never lasts.  I recommend this book because it is easy to read, but packs a lot of punch in the way it defines the nature of lust and how the true solution to the problem must be found in the gospel.

You can check out more here.  Read an additional review by Tim Challies here.